Loved and Lost....

Well, this isn't exactly how I wanted to tell everyone. It's also the reason we waited to tell everyone.

DH and I found out a couple of weeks ago that we're gonna have a baby. When I found out, I was hysterical, shaking and crying. I texted him a photo of the pregnancy test. We told our parents and and my sister and a couple friends. We were waiting until after the first ultrasound on 4/20/2011 to tell all. My first appointment last Monday went great and the blood work was normal. Super excited, and it was really hard not to tell absolutely everyone I walked into.

However, today I woke up and went to get ready for church I noticed I was bleeding. I've heard that happens sometimes, no big deal. When I was taking my shower I got extremely light-headed and was going to pass out, I couldn't even finish my shower. I laid on the bathroom floor in my robe doubled over with excruciating cramps while DH called Ask-A-Nurse, who said to get to the ER.

We went to ER and eventually were led back into a room where a doc came in and did a pelvic exam and collected the remains. They did an ultrasound to see if that's really what had happened and it was confirmed. Both DH and I had to cry a little, okay I cried a lot. Still am, in fact. It will take a long time to get over this first pregnancy that ended so abruptly. It sucks.

I'll spare the rest of the details, unless you want to know the ins and outs of what happened today, you can contact me. It feels like another test of faith and very hard not to say "why me, God?!" My heart is breaking. It definitely hurts.

So we wait for now. I have to go to the doctor tomorrow to follow up. After 3 weeks we can start trying again. Back to square one. I loved the little guy and lost it.