My experience as an infertile has taught how people may mean well, but they completely missed the couth train. So here is a list of things not to say to someone who is struggling with their baby making adventures.
1. "Maybe it's God's will that you're barren." - as much as this may seem like consolation, it's not. I honestly don't know how anyone could ever think to say that in the first place.
2. "My daycare is costing me a small fortune. Be lucky you don't have that expense!" - Thank you for your concern for my wallet, but if I cared about money, I wouldn't be going to the fertility doctor and spending a ton of money on treatments insurance doesn't cover.
3. "Babies just give you morning sickness and change your body." - Don't think that will deter me!
4."If you've been trying that long, just adopt." - This one has mixed emotions. It's frustrating because I heard it from a man. There are plenty deserving children who need a good home, but I also imagine there's no comparison to experiencing the whole process. Maybe I'll do both!
5."Children just ruin the house and good luck having alone time." - My house already looks like a tornado hit it and after being alone so much trying to conceive, it might be a welcome break!
These are just a couple of things that I've heard that I can think of right now. So please be mindful if you're in the company of someone who is trying to conceive. If you say something hurtful, when they end of up having children, they just might call you up to babysit sometime.
I think part of the problem is people *feel* like they need to say something. And, they feel like they have to try to provide an explanation. With the miscarriage, most often I just wanted people to say nothing. I can know that they care without them trying to be profound.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to add to the list, if I may, since several off your list also apply to those who have miscarried: "Maybe it's God's way of saying you're not ready to be parents."
I will never understand how some people can turn into such complete idiots when the feel the need to comment on a situation they just don't understand. I'm sorry you've had to endure that!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I don't have any answers, I do know how awesome you and your DH are. So, if there's any irritating part of reality you'd like me to beat up for you, just let me know ;)