On the Pills Again...

For some reason Willie Nelson's "On the Road Again" popped into my head and there's a commercial for birth control pills on right now. Not that I'm on birth control, but I'm back on Clomid and looking forward to it!

I called my doc on Wednesday and was wondering if she would write me a script for Clomid, since we had recently talked about it at a visit. I didn't want to go in if I didn't have to. I've had the stuff before, there would be no need for an exam, no need to blow $85 on a visit (since my *awesome* health insurance has a $6,000 deductible- but that's another story!) so I really didn't feel the need to go in if I didn't have to. So doc's nurse called me back and said that we'll start with one round but we're doubling the dose. Then I have to go back on March 8th for a blood draw to check up on my progesterone to make sure things are happening like they should.

I do like being on Clomid because there are no immediately noticeable side-effects and most of all it gives me hope. True the chances of multiples are higher, but I think taking the risk is worth it.

I'm sure I've said this before, but I feel like a failure. I even joined WW again and have been eating like a rabbit and working out but I've only gained weight. That combined with new stress at work now, I'm just feeling really depressed and just an all around epic failure.

So, for now we'll stick with the Clomid and see what this round brings us. Wish me luck.

I will leave you with a list of honest-to-goodness song titles (some of which are on country radio):

• Heaven’s Just A Sin Away
• If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead Yet?
• Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)
• Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
• I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
• It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long
• I Just Couldn’t Leave Her Behind Alone
• I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Like Having You Here
• I Just Fell In Something and I Sure Hope It’s Love
• If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You

Cold Wind Isn't the Only Bitter Thing...

A word of caution: you may be offended by the words contained herein.

I'm sure everyone who's tried/trying for a baby has had their emotional roller-coaster, and rightly so. Lately, I've been going up (emotionally speaking) at work and other aspects of my life, but when it comes to the roller-coaster of baby stuff, I've hit that sickening drop right after the sign that says "point of no return" that makes your stomach fly up into your esophagus.

And so I present to you a mad-at-the-world rant session which may or may not offend you. I've been doing well so far keeping these feelings shoved down deep inside but I'm just gonna burst, so bon apetit.

I'm frustrated that every time I go to the gyno, she says "you could even be pregnant as we speak," but I'm not. I'm frustrated with people who are much younger than me who are having babies. I'm frustrated that people aren't married and are having babies. I'm frustrated that people haven't been married even as long as we've been trying (going on 3 years) and are having babies. I'm frustrated that people who can't afford to feed themselves are having babies. I'm frustrated that people who are addicted to drugs/alcohol are having babies. I'm frustrated that people who adore their kids when they're babies and then don't like them when they are toddlers are having babies. I'm frustrated there are single people out there living with mommy and daddy and have never worked a day in their life and are having babies.

And most of all I'm frustrated that people like me are trying to hard to have a baby and there are people out there who don't value their baby's life enough and have it aborted.

Whew.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone but I'm sure in my heart of hearts there are other people that feel the same. It is what it is.

Now I'm going to have angry, sweaty sex with DH.